Bitch-love
My friend Boris, when he was in the tenth grade, really pulled off a doozy. He really liked this girl from their apartment building courtyard. Well, apparently, it wasn't just "liked," he was probably going crazy over her night and day, if he decided on something like this.
The girl lived in the same stairwell, two floors below him. And you'd think: just go ahead and say hello to her one day, then ask how she's doing and all that. But no, he devised the most cunning plan, the most cunning-ass plan, you could say.
He got a dog of the same breed—a Yorkshire Terrier. For those who don't know, it's a hairy black and tan little sweetheart with funny bulging eyes and a button nose just like that. According to the plan
Borya would start walking his mutt at the same time as the object of his affection, and that's how they'd meet.And so the day of reckoning arrived. Borya calculated the dog-walking time down to the minute and dragged his mutt for a walk behind the building. The girl was walking her usual route: across the road to the park. And Boris was already hurrying after her, almost skipping. He, of course, let his mutt off the leash right after crossing the road. That was apparently part of the plan too. And the mutt didn't let him down. It immediately rushed to catch its bitch.
The girl was walking with her back to them and talking on the phone. The bitch was rolling around somewhere nearby on the grass, suspecting nothing. The mutt pounced on her from behind and immediately tried to rape her. The girl barely managed to pull her little dog over and pick it up. But the mutt wouldn't calm down: he got into position and started fucking the girl's leg. He was really wound up, no less than Borya was.
Borya ran up to the girl on wobbly legs. He was terribly ashamed. Everything came back to him: how a thousand times he'd gloomily gotten into the same elevator with the girl, too shy to ever say hello, and how she herself had initially tried to say something to him, but then gave up on him, thinking he was just an ill-mannered young man. etales.ru And how her attitude towards him had offended him, and he decided to behave exactly as she thought of him. The entire history of their non-verbal communication surfaced, like shit, in this awkward moment.
"Did you teach him that?" — the girl looked at him angrily. And he didn't even know her name.
"No, he taught me himself," — Borya muttered. Of course, he wanted to say: "he learned it from me on his own" — and that wouldn't have improved the situation either. From the excitement, Boris's brain short-circuited. He stood before her, arms hanging down, still hoping for an introduction.
"I don't care who taught who what at your place. Get your dog away! Immediately!" — the girl was furious.
He hooked the mutt and dragged him aside. The girl quickly walked off down the path in the other direction, and Borya trudged home with the mutt.
***
But that's not the end of the story. At first, Borya wanted to get rid of the mutt and even placed an ad in the newspaper. But no one wanted to take an adult dog of that breed, and Boris had to walk and care for the dog himself. Once, about a month after the events described above, Boris took the mutt for a walk. On the seventh floor, where the girl lived, the elevator stopped, and that same little bitch jumped inside.
"Wait, don't go," — the girl shouted from behind the doors to the vestibule. She was still closing the doors to the little hallway.
And Boris's heart gave a joyful little jump. Finally, he would have a chance to get acquainted. The mutt was sniffing the bitch, but was behaving decently, not pestering the girl.
The girl came out to the elevator, and at that moment the elevator doors began to close on their own. That happens in old elevators if you don't press the buttons for a long time. Then the elevator just sits there with the doors closed and a person inside. The girl only managed to see a frightened Borya with two dogs sniffing each other. The doors closed right in front of her face.
"Open the door, do you hear!" — the girl shouted, frightened.
Borya knew about the elevator, he knew perfectly well how to open the doors on the same floor—you just need to call the same floor you're on. But he was so nervous that in his panic he called the first floor, and the elevator started moving.
"What are you doing!" — the girl yelled into the elevator shaft.
"I'll be right there!" — Borya answered loudly. "Wait a second!" — he wanted to go down to come back for her.
While he was thinking all this over, the mutt had already gotten into position with the bitch.
When they returned, the bitch was already ready. The girl snatched her little dog from Boris's hands and refused to ride with him. Borya once again experienced the whole bouquet of feelings associated with humiliation.
***
When, two months later, a litter of Yorkshire Terriers appeared on the seventh floor, no one in the stairwell could remember this story without laughing. Everyone knew about it—the girl complained to her mom, she told the neighbors, they spread it throughout the whole building. Borya, of course, got acquainted with Lena, but they didn't start a relationship.
What I was talking about: to get to know a girl, you don't need to impregnate her little dog...