No obstacle to amusement.
(author – Villy Es, the funniest erotic writer)
1.
Bread kvass splashed out of the ladle. Steam billowed over the hot stove like over a witch's cauldron:
– Psh – shu – u!!.
Serafim Ivanych Boldyrev, tilting his head back, drank the last of the kvass from the ladle. Reddish streams trickled down his full beard. Serafim Ivanych grunted, wiped his mustache, and climbed onto the top bench. Taking a birch broom, he began to lash himself – urging himself on across his back and shoulders. The broom swished back and forth noisily, leaves tore off and stuck to his wet shoulders, and Serafim Ivanych, overcome with feeling, cried out:
– Ehh, may it stir you up to the seventh generation!
Having steamed himself thoroughly, he climbed down from the bench, groaning. It was unbearably hot, and Serafim Ivanych went out into the dressing room. The dried-out floorboards creaked under the merchant's heavy body. Serafim Ivanych sat down on a bench. "Should I take a dip?" – he thought to himself. He liked the idea – it would be splendid to cool off after the steam room. Serafim Ivanych pushed open the creaking wooden door. And, swaying like a bear, he trotted down from the bathhouse towards the riverbank, his wet bare feet treading through the tall grass. Closer to the bank, willow thickets grew densely. Near them, Serafim Ivanych suddenly stopped, recoiled to the side, and hid. He parted the branches and looked. Before him was a little bank, a backwater, and in the water, shimmering in the August sunset, naked girls were laughing and splashing. The one standing facing the shore, the merchant recognized immediately – it was his serf girl Ulyanka. And the second one was standing with her back to him, up to her buttocks in the water.
– Look at these shameless hussies!.. – the merchant muttered, sensing his cock beginning to swell with sweet languor. Then the maidens started walking towards the shore. The second one turned around, and the merchant gasped, recognizing his eighteen-year-old daughter Glasha. He began to examine her with interest. And there was plenty to look at: Glasha – a girl in the bloom of youth, a true merchant's daughter, breasts full, hips lush and white, and between them a little furry triangle. Glasha said something to Ulyanka, who grabbed their clothes and ran off. Serafim Ivanych came out of his hiding place.
– Oh, father! What shame!.. – seeing him, Glasha cried out. She grabbed her clothes from the grass and pressed them to her chest, blushing deeply.
– What's with you, daughter, so skittish? Is your papa really so frightening? – laughed Serafim Ivanych, putting his hands on his hips. And his daughter blushes, but her eyes flash towards her father's erect cock. The merchant approached his daughter.
– Or are you scared of my beast? Don't be afraid! – he said, and took his daughter's hand with his own, and placed it on his cock.
– See? It doesn't bite!
The daughter touched it, stroked it – and indeed, it didn't bite.
– You see, daughter, like any beast, it loves affection, to be petted on the head, – says the merchant. The daughter began to stroke the cock's crimson head. And she feels a throbbing start between her legs, and her whole body seems to be on fire, and she says to her father:
– Father, – she says, – I think I've fallen ill, something's making me feel hot…
– That, daughter, is a fire kindling inside you. Look out, a conflagration might happen!
– What should I do then, father?! Should I go, perhaps, into the river to dip, to put out the fire?
– No, this fire isn't put out with water – it needs sour cream to quench it.
The girl was amazed, and she asks:
– How's that, father – putting out a fire with sour cream?
– You lie down, daughter, on your back, I'll show you.
Glasha lay down.
– Now spread your legs, and lift them up, where the fire is hottest, and I'll put it out in a jiffy.
The daughter did as her father ordered. Serafim Ivanych leaned over his daughter's white body.
– Ai! – cried the girl, becoming a woman. – Oh, father, what sweetness!
The merchant labored and labored, and indeed – he put out the fire. He filled his daughter's entire chimney with sour cream.
– Go, – he says, – daughter, wash yourself, or else you might get with child.
They gathered themselves and went home. The daughter walks, glancing at her father with a smile.
– Father, what if mother finds out?
2.
The spouse of Serafim Ivanych, Evdokia Stepanovna, was a woman keen on all things modern and fashionable. She'd hear that in the neighboring district some acquaintances had hired themselves a man called an "agronomist." To sow wheat and millet scientifically, you see – so get me one too! Or, for instance, her sister, who married a military man and moved to the city, once gave Evdokia Stepanovna a book written by some Frenchman. When Serafim Ivanych found out about it, he said:
– In eighteen twelve we kicked one Frenchy, Napoleon, out of Russia – and now another Frenchy is going to worm his way into my house?! That won't happen!
He got very heated and tore the book in two. And just the other day Evdokia Stepanovna heard that among city ladies a new fashion had started: hiring a maid for their sons when they come of age. So that, you see, the lad wouldn't go looking for girls in taverns and catch a bad disease. And Evdokia Stepanovna had a son, Yegorushka, seventeen years old, a year younger than his sister Glasha. Evdokia Stepanovna got it into her head to instruct her son in the manly craft. So she summoned the serf girl Ulyanka.
– I have a task for you, Ulyanka. You will now serve in the young master's bedroom. Warm his bed. He has grown up and for maintaining his male health he needs a maiden. Are you healthy? Not sick with anything? If you infect my son, I'll have you flogged in the stables! – the mistress promised menacingly. The girl paled:
– I am healthy, mistress dear. The girls in our family have always been healthy.
– Well then, undress and lie down here. And I will arrange for the young master to appear.
Ulyanka did as the mistress ordered. The door opens, Yegorushka enters. When he saw the girl on the bed, with all her charms, he became flustered. His older sister, Glasha, is a spirited girl, but Yegorushka has a quiet, shy disposition; at the slightest thing, he lowers his long, fluffy eyelashes and blushes crimson. And the mistress, meanwhile, is pacing about the yard, then the room – walking back and forth, and all the while thinking: how is the deed being done? She couldn't bear it and went to look. She enters the bedchamber, and Ulyanka falls at her feet in tears:
– Mistress dear, don't be angry! I'm ready for anything for the young master, but he himself is too shy, that's why his cock won't rise!
– Oh Lord, what a predicament! Well, lie down, show me how you make love!
Ulyanka and Yegorushka lay down naked again. And the merchant's wife walks around, grumbling, dissatisfied with everything:
– How are you lying?! It's awkward for the boy! Move over, you clumsy oaf! Look, this is how it's done…
The mistress threw off her clothes and lay down next to her son. She took his limp little cock in her fingers, bent her head, and licked it with her tongue. Yegorushka got excited, began to climb on top of his mother, and the mistress spread herself wide. That's when Yegorushka came to know the place from which he himself had appeared. He fitted himself where needed, and then nature took its course. He lies there, pumping into his mother, and she only moans and helps him along.
Ulyanka was amazed – where has such a thing been seen, for a son to use his own mother? Only among dogs does that happen. The winter before last, the yard dog Naida had a litter of puppies. And now they've grown up. So Naida stands there, and now one, now another young male jumps on her and starts fucking his own mother! "Seems it's ordained by nature. No wonder there's a saying: 'Kin blood is no hindrance to debauchery!'" – thought Ulyanka.
And at that time, Serafim Ivanych needed to see his wife for some devilish reason. He opened the door to the little bedroom – and stood dumbfounded, mouth agape: on the bed, mother and son were puffing away with all their might! At first, Serafim Ivanych wanted to get angry, but he changed his mind: he realized that this situation played into his hands – after all, he himself was rubbing his daughter's grater. He only smirked and said:
– Well, Yegorka, is mother sweet?
– Oh, sweet! So sweet – I'd never get off! – groaned Yegorushka.
– That's what I thought! – said Serafim Ivanych, turned around, and left.
From then on, that's how it went with them – Yegorka uses his mother, and Serafim Ivanych scratches his daughter's hole. Sometimes, on Saturdays, the whole family goes to the bathhouse. Ulyanka bustles about right there – fussing, serving. Over time, Yegorka, besides his mother, also tried out his sister. And that's right: Serafim Ivanych is a man of age, he doesn't always have the strength for a young thing. But the cunt is alive, it wants it too. And Yegorushka – is he heartless, or what? Would he really not satisfy his own sister? He'll satisfy her, oh how he'll satisfy her! He'll put her on all fours, stick his cock into her snatch – and start working his sister! Only her white buttocks tremble. Ah, what deliciousness… A merry life began in the house of merchant Boldyrev! Seems it's not for nothing people say: "Kin blood is no hindrance to debauchery."