Minus to plus

Part 1.

Masha looks at me and angrily stirs sugar into her already cooled tea. I know what she's going to ask, I'm ready. What I did resembles the act of a fool, or even worse.

— Is it true? You're living at Lampa's?

I lower my eyes... I always do that when I get into an awkward situation, I hate this gesture that's become a habit. I answer quietly:

— Yes.

How it all began.

Damn alarm clock. I hate it. Who came up with getting up for classes so early? Even though I'm Lampa, who can do anything, punctuality is my thing. Gabriel is hungry and is chewing on my slipper. Oh right, Gabriel is my cat. The only creature I trust and who's about to get it if he doesn't stop.

— Gabi, you little brat.

Yawning, I go to the kitchen. Coffee, sandwich, as usual. The kitchen greets me with its usual cleanliness and expensive furnishings. The whole apartment is spoiled with European-style renovation, luxurious furniture, and is generally tastefully arranged. Thanks to my mom, who successfully navigates the business world, I have everything that allows me to feel well-off.

I park, get out, and my... no, not friends. I don't have any. They're just acquaintances I hang out with, that's all.

— Lampa, we're already arguing about where to hang out tonight. Zhenya, bold and arrogant, loves to take the initiative.

— To our favorite spot, we'll go around 11.

Well, there's the bell. Strange, Kat isn't here yet. Probably still hungover and hasn't woken up. Kat and I are the two forces that rule this university, everyone knows it and stays quiet. And we're always on opposite sides. It hasn't come to a fight yet, but I'd like to mess up her red mane.

A bunch of new faces come in. I try to figure out who these little jerks are. They're noisy and confusedly choosing seats. A couple more come in a few seconds later. Hmm, are they all newbies? Zhenya looks at them with contempt and a smirk. I look calmly and appraisingly. I was about to bury myself in my iPhone when a couple more girls come in. They all seem the same, except for one. Dark-haired, with long hair and a cute face. Hmm, she stands out immediately. Sits at the second desk. I wouldn't be surprised if she's a nerd. I can read people, right away.

And here's Kat. As always, with her crew. She's also interested in the new classmates, but acts like a queen. For a moment I lost sight of that girl, oh no, there she is. Just went to chat with someone, smiling. I wonder what her ethnicity is.

— Today I want to tell you some news, began the math teacher. Since there have been changes in the curriculum, math and sociology will be held for the 3rd year together with the 1st. Please, no conflicts or antics. Is that clear?

Now it's all clear. The freshmen don't yet understand who they're dealing with. I smile.

— Sveta, this concerns you first and foremost.

Well, there's attention on me again, ha

I raise my eyes, speak quietly and with force, getting up from my desk.

— Elena Igorevna, come on, I don't pick on the little ones.

Laughter and whistles, my jokes are always better than Kat's stupid phrases. True, the freshmen aren't in the know, some looked at me scared.

The class passes unusually, and I'm somehow irritated. The freshmen are noisy and stick together as if they're at war. Kat came up to me, well, well.

— Who did you pick, Little Lamp?

— What are you talking about?

I really don't understand what she's babbling about, I drink my compote and look around.

— I'm tired of my lackeys and I want something new, I'm eyeing the freshmen

— They're dumb, I'm sure

She smiles and walks away, hooray.

Finally I'm home, stupid day. I hope the evening doesn't disappoint

I take a taxi to the club. I drink, one glass and then another, I laugh, I like my company, the music, and the madness on the dance floor. Zhenya is saying something and cackling, I pretend to hear them. Everything as usual, I drink more, lean back on the soft backrest. That girl appears before my eyes. I wonder if she goes to places like this? I laugh. Zhenya went to dance. Sasha yells in my ear: maybe that's enough? I look at him reproachfully, he waves his hand.

I'm not an alcoholic, but I can drink. I'm content and everything is fine with me.

Choice

Mari, stop reading! — my stepfather yells again. - go to the store!

I close the textbook, wipe away tears... I'm so sick of it. I'm not his servant and I don't have to do anything. But if I disobey, it'll be worse. I put on my sneakers, he shoves money at me. I walk with headphones on, inhale the autumn air, and desperately don't want to go back home. The store is nearby, and I'm not happy about that.

On the way back, I call Masha and arrange to meet for a walk in the evening. She's my close friend and knows everything. Except for one thing. That's my secret and mine alone, I don't want to see pity in people's eyes.

I always have fun with Masha, and in the evening at home I calmly do my homework without thinking about my problems. Tomorrow is school, Monday is a hard day, but as it turns out, it will be the most disgusting Monday.

I'm walking down the corridor, the library is good and I took all the books but it's hard to carry, a couple are in my hands.

A group of girls from the 3rd year are coming towards me, one of them seems to be Kat, from what I've heard. No, not this. She stops, looks at me, doesn't let me pass. What does she want?

— Let me pass, please.

— Pfft, how cultured we are. She smirks, looks with anger and mockery.

Well, if that's the case, then go.

She steps aside

I take a step forward and am already calming down when she trips me and I fall. For what?

I hear laughter, I get up. Her friends are the same, they kick the books and leave. People are looking at us and I feel uncomfortable and disgusted. I get up, leave the books on the floor, and run to the bathroom.

I don't cry, but I want to be here for a bit to cool off. Why am I so unlucky? At home my stepfather is an asshole, here I've found bullies too. Okay, enough, I have to get to class.

I sit at my desk, not looking at anyone. I know the rumors have already spread. Lena asks:

— That Kat is such a bitch, better not cross her, they tell such stories about her, so you were lucky.

I don't care, I don't answer anything. Inside, pain and shame are hidden for not being able to get revenge.

I love math. I raise my hand, go to the board, I love showing that I'm smart and know my way around these equations and stuff.

— Commendable, sit down.

At least something pleasant for the whole day. But that didn't last long either. During the break, some girl from their year came up to me and said anxiously:

— I wouldn't advise you to show off. They'll start hunting you soon, Kat and Lampa force nerds to do their homework for them, so think twice before raising your hand next time.

I don't understand anything. Is this, like, a mafia? Kat and Lampa... and who is this Lampa? And why would I owe anyone anything again.

I was a little late to the cafeteria, I sit down and calmly want to eat. I see Kat happily chatting with her minions and laughing, glancing at me and looking at me brazenly. I hate her, I want revenge. Everyone is afraid of her, but I'm not. I have nothing to lose. I glance at my juice, thinking. I make a choice in favor of my pride. In favor of my offended dignity. I made a choice.

Breaking Point

Kat has completely lost it. What she did is too nasty. They told me everything. The poor girl can't even eat, she's staring at her juice and not moving. And why do I feel sorry for her? Okay, stop. What is she doing? As if in slow motion, she gets up, approaches Kat... she approached Kat... She's dressed simply, in light jeans, a blue sweater. She smiles, squeezes the glass in her thin fingers. Kat looks up at her in bewilderment. Oops... well that's bold. She pours the juice on Kat's head. Ahah. I blink, maybe I'm hallucinating? I should drink less, Sveta. No, it's not a hallucination

— You... you... you're dead! Kat is furious, I'm in shock, the girl is delighted.

Kat is up to her ears in liquid. Well, I have to finish this show. I smile, stare shamelessly at this brave girl and start clapping. My rhythm is picked up and we all clap for her together. She didn't expect it, looks at me, a little scared, but she's pleased.

Kat runs out from the table, her gang behind her.

I understand that now Kat will beat her up. I'm serious. Her act looks brave, but also stupid at the same time. She's in trouble. The only one who can save her is me. But I don't want to get involved. Everyone should get themselves out of the shit they got themselves into. But I still want to mess with Kat.

Friday, end of the week. I barely sit through class, go to smoke in the bathroom. Well, yes. I'm just in time

Kat caught her victim. Pinned her against the wall and is saying something to her, holding her chin. The girl looks with scared, pained brown eyes.

— You're fucked, I'll pull out all your curls! Raises her voice, while I'm still in the shadows.

— Think someone will save you? Get acquainted with the toilet, loser.

She grabs her arm and wants to drag her into the stall. That's it, my entrance.

— Kat, have you forgotten your place? I light a cigarette and stare brazenly at both of them.

— Lampa, don't interfere.

The girl started coughing. Reaction to tobacco or nerves?

— Let her go. I say quietly, she looks at me not understanding anything.

Kat is furious, she won't argue, throws a glance at her former victim and leaves, slamming the door loudly.

A silent scene... she's silent and I'm silent.

— What's your name? Yeah Sveta, an original start to a conversation.

— Mari, she answers quietly and is trembling.

I saved her today, but what next? My thoughts were interrupted by her weak voice:

— Thank you, Lampa.

My name in her voice sounds new, I'd say with a certain flair. I like it. Mari looks at me gratefully, understanding that her skin is safe because of me. For some reason, I've developed some responsibility for her. I don't understand why, I push these thoughts away, light another cigarette. Mari is still standing in place, she's in shock. The bell resolves this absurd situation, I leave first and go to the classroom.

The Agreement.

I'm lying on Masha's lap. I try to calm down and not think about Kat or Lampa. They're both dangerous. My friend scolds me for the juice, but I did the right thing. But why did Lampa save me? Maybe she sees some benefit?

I've known Masha for 18 years and no one is closer to me than her. She would never hurt me and I trust her, but right now I can't tell her about my fears. I pretend everything is fine

— Mari, I'm worried about you... she runs her fingers through my hair, a light head massage and I really feel better

— Everything's fine.. I close my eyes, try to relax. Some series is on TV

But I have to go back home. I don't want to. My stepfather is probably drunk.

Some people are lucky in life, others aren't. I guess I'm not. I'd like a close family, a little sister or brother, dinners with cheerful conversations. But in reality, I have an aunt instead of a mom and her husband, whom I call my stepfather. If it weren't for that accident, everything would be different. My aunt never stands up for me, I'm a stranger to them, but since they're guardians and Masha's dad is a policeman, they fulfill their duty.

Today is Tuesday, a difficult test and generally a hard day. Everyone handed in their papers and are rushing to eat. I'm hungry too, I put my tray on the table and realize I forgot my coffee. I go back, the line is long, I squeeze through with difficulty, grab my coffee and turn around to go to the table when I suddenly bump into... into Lampa! Someone pushed me, and I spill coffee on Lampa's shirt... this is fucked up. This is it... I'm so ashamed I can't pull myself together.

People are looking at us with interest. I stand like a statue, Lampa stares at me with a piercing gaze, her white shirt is no longer quite white. I understand she'll yell at me now or maybe even drag me somewhere around the corner. Nonsense.

— You're done, someone's voice from the crowd, I know that myself, damn it.

— Do you even know how much this shirt costs? Lampa finally speaks, I don't know what to answer.

— I can wash it.., I imagine how pathetic I look from the side.

Lampa's expression changes, the anger somehow fades.. she's smiling? I don't understand her.

— No, I have a different proposal. Let's talk after class. She leaves, leaving me with my mouth open.

I sit in math class, nervously fiddling with my pen. What has Lampa come up with? What will she tell me? It's scary and interesting at the same time. She managed to change clothes and sits calmly as if nothing happened.

As soon as I leave the room, she's right there.

— Let's go talk. She walks ahead, I follow. Opens the car door. Okay, I hope she doesn't take me to the woods to dismember me. I get in and swallow, the lump in my throat is unbearable. Lampa is smoking, she's calm. Looks ahead and finally says:

— Mari, you stained my shirt. But that's not the point now. Kat won't leave you alone, I know that for sure. But you can get rid of her. I'm offering you a deal. I protect you from her, in return you help me with my studies. What do you say?

— Umm... I'm thinking, trying to figure out what to do, I didn't